A Cynical Post

Warning - if you are not in the mood for some serious talk then click off now.

Why is it that when we talk so much about being nice to each other that the face is that we really are not. Really what we seem to mean is don't fall from grace by being a total arse to anyone. But I am increasingly wearing thin on, and even getting angry with the politics of this Church game.

I was thinking today, that the people who have really been both the worst to me and the best to me in my life have been clergy. Some kind beyond measure, who I will never forget, and some so concerned with polity and their own position that they become blind to the reality that the person who they have in their crosshairs is just that, a person.

And then I sit in Church but there is no veneer, there is no haze of holiness to surround the absolute junk which goes on. I know the politics of the place I sit in. I know who has upset my kids and never said sorry. I know who whispers what. What is wrong with us? Why do we carry on like this?

I really find myself with little patience for the cosy picture at all this Christmas - I want the cleansing fire - I want Jesus to come and make a difference - I want the constant snakish back biting and nastiness to stop.

And if it hits me then how many other people are sitting at home wondering what Jesus looks like? Wondering if Jesus has a face which is not angry at them, or telling them no, or asking them why they cannot be just a little bit, more, well...something which they are not. And they have gone home swearing never to darken to doors again with Christ calling after them in their hearts - but not in their ears because we are that voice and we probably did not even notice.

I am sick and tired of being hurt by Church people. I am fed up with the old women who think they know better than I do (distinguish wisdom from cattiness), I am fed up with clergy who need to retire and won't - if you believe in anything, guys, believe that if this Church is meant to be then it will go on just fine without you - let go. I am ready to be excited about faith and for that to be OK - but where is that place - where in our Church is that OK - where is that not too challenging or dangerous or upsetting.

And so I consider walking away - not because of what I don't believe but because of what I do and that is that we cannot be this nasty and self-absorbed and claim the name Christian - it is not OK. There are plenty of good people, of course, but it only takes a few with cloth ears to turn us all into wailing puppets.