Slowing things down

My Facebook feed is, not surprisingly, fairly full of Episcopal clergy in various guises. When Episcopal scuttle hits it lights up with opinion and chatter and the story of Rt. Rev. Heather Cook has been no exception. There is a spectrum of opinion but I have found myself wondering again how tightly we sometimes hold this gift which God gives us in ministry.
High office, or any office in the Church, is not a reward for tenacity or hard work. It is not something which you get for fighting through, or trying hard. It is not something you win by fighting apparently harder battles than others, or surviving apparently impossible odds. But too often that is what it has become. There is never a point at which any of us “deserve” to be a priest, let alone a bishop and if we ever even begin to think that, if we ever even whisper to ourselves that we have “earned this” we need to take a break and hit our knees. Now.
Bishop Cook has a tough time ahead, wherever her journey leads her. I hope that those of us who find ourselves charged to leads God’s Church take a deep breath and use this as an opportunity to ask ourselves some very honest questions.
1.Who am I doing my ministry for?
This is a really important question. It is key to our person and identity. An easy way to answer is to imagine just stopping tomorrow. How does that feel? Do you feel sad about lost relationships and opportunities or do you just feel sick to your stomach, worried that there would be nothing for you, worried that there would be none of you left? If you are heading towards the latter you should probably talk to someone about things – if you cannot see yourself apart from your ministry you might be heading for problems. If one ministry ends. God will provide another. When we lose sight of this we can rely on ourselves far too much.
2. What do I define as success?
Be honest. Within your denominational structure what do you see as success? Where do you see yourself ending up in terms of job description? In seeking this larger success are you defining success in ministry correctly at all? Spend some time really contemplating what success in ministry is.
3. Am I healthy?
So, no one gets 100% here but seriously, are you just ignoring some big stuff? If you are drinking daily; if there are more bad days than good; if you only work, eat and sleep; if you have multiple physical problems – you get the idea. In other words – if you are the sort of person YOU would send to see a physician sort yourself out. People expect more than is realistic from clergy so it is tempting to beat ourselves up when we are not perfect, but this has an insidious dark cousin which is that it is tempting to ignore serious health problems (especially mental health and addiction problems) when they occur. You have no business leading a church if you are not in recovery when you should be. You have no business leading a church if you are intractably depressed and there is no glamor in keeling over from a heart attack on a Sunday morning.
When we are holding on too tightly we cannot ask these questions. When our eyes are on temporal reward we cannot trust God enough to allow a deeper healing. Our church needs leaders who are holy people. I would suggest in the weeks ahead we all calm our reactivity and stop being so stupidly shocked. Bishops are people and people make mistakes, sometimes terrible mistakes. Let’s accept that and hold those concerned in our prayers.
But let’s learn too. Let’s move forward as priests in God’s Church who are here to serve God’s people and not our own agendas. There is no career progression, just an answer to God’s marvellous, but often inconvenient, call